Home Alone

It's 11.45pm . This is my first time writing an entry for my blog at home. Kids are sleeping soundly, Widaad is on the cradle whilst Adik on the mattress.Hubby, like usual, out for a Kuliah..This time, MMU ...Title: Dunia Sudah Tua?

I tried closing my eyes tightly tonight. But, something is catching up on my mind.

I have no idea on what I have done. Am I selfish..?or cruel..?

I was fasting today.

I dont mean be cruel, I was actually ..I was wrong.Astaqfirullahal a'zeem..

We reached home about 630pm today. That would be our routine. We would normally went for a walk, play at the MBMB fountain,went to JJ or pasar malam..or any place instead of straight away drove off home after fetching up the two little princess. That would be the only time that we could spend time together,after office. Hubby will be having Kuliah every night, somewhere, and once he gets home after that, everyone will be sleeping....

My job starts as soon as we reach home. Running with the chores ...cooking porridge for Adik, preparing dinner for Widaad and Walid before he steps out at 7.30pm...

Today, I was not that multi-tasking...I asked Walid whether he wanted to cook..since he bought his favorites PETAI at pasar malam. Walid, as usual..will always never deny...he went to the kitchen...and I was feeding adik with the porridge.

Done with Adik, I took her plate to the kitchen...Then I saw Walid..

He was reading a kitab on the floor while waiting for the oil to heat!!

I feel so guilty.

Why am I not aware that he always study before he went out for a Kuliah..??

Why did I ask him to cook even I know he is going out for a Kuliah??

I asked Walid to study at living hall and let me continue cooking. Hubby, seeing me entered the kitchen, closed his kitab...and continued cooking...he answered.."takpe...dh abes dah baca"

. ..I feel so guilty...and until now...the feeling is still here, in my soul.I don't have to ask him to do that...I should have known that...

Allahu Akbar! ooo God..please guide me...Please Allah, dont let me to determine my own life, even in a blink of eyes..to You I only wish, to You I only ask for help...for You are the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful..

Adik starts showing sign of thirsty...OFF to breastfeed her.....