Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Allah knows the best!!

It has been a while that I don’t really-really cry, until I asked for hubby shoulders for me to cry on. My ante-natal follow-up yesterday was really sickening. I received very sorrow news from the doctor.

My baby has SGA or "small-for-gestational-age" which means the baby is too small due to growth restriction inside the womb. During this week (35 weeks of pregnancy) , she is supposed to be 2.5 kg, but then she turned out to weight only 2kg. Dr. said my body weight keep on increasing, yet the baby isn’t absorbing the nutrient from my food intake.

Dr. Hanisah (O&G specialist at PMH) also revealed that my amniotic fluid is decreasing. Last two weeks when we left for follow-up check up , it was 14. And yesterday, it declined to 10.9. Dr. Hanisah mentioned that when the amniotic fluid reaches below 10, then it should be something to be concerned because baby could breathe her last breath due to lacking of amniotic fluid.

Due to the two reasons, my follow-up appointment is set to be on next week to monitor the amniotic fluid. Let say, if it is still declining, delivery is the best solution. Of course I am shocked!!! Questions approaching my mind. Deliver at week 36? What’s wrong with my baby? Why isn’t she absorbing my nutrient? Is she ok? What would be the risk if she’s born earlier?

To avoid sudden death, doctor urged me to carefully count the baby movement every single day until the next check up. In case there is any irregular, slow and less than 10 movements within 12 hours, I should set out directly to the emergency room to deliver. Along with that..Dr. suggested me to opt a caesarean delivery since the baby is premature and isn’t strong enough to stand the pain of induce, or normal delivery.

My hubby and I, both of us were very upset, worried and anxious. Hubby does not talk much about it, perhaps does not want to show his panicky in front of me. He used to be that way, prefer not to express his feelings. But, deep inside, I know…he is concerned, his actions speaks for that. Contradict to me, I just can’t help myself to hide my depress, as I cried as much as possible to release my tension.

What we can do now, is just pray to the Allah for the best. We agreed to this as a test from Allah, a test from the Creator to His Creations. Insyaallah…God knows the best.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Hope to The Only Allah

I am today 34 weeks ( 8 months plus). By this time, I always have this Braxton Hicks, which is a sporadic uterine contractions. In the days or weeks before labor, Braxton Hicks contractions may intermittently become rhythmic, relatively close together, and even painful, possibly fooling you into thinking you're in labor. But unlike true labor, during this so-called false labor the contractions don't grow consistently longer, stronger, and closer together......The painful that I have experienced, God knows. I sometimes can't sleep well because of this symptom.

Nevertheless, hubby helps alot. He's the one who take care of Widad throughout the night, wake up to prepare milk for her, change diapers when she's wet and manage most of the household chores. Alhamdulillah...tahmid to Allah.

Me myself, I believe I am more sensitive, down and hopeless at the moment.With the increasing weight now, sometimes make very unhappy. I am big,my stomach is receiving more and more strechmark, lots of dark area at my body, everything make my appearance very ugly, I believe. Especially when people around keep telling, "you look big!", "ouhh...this time your stomach is bigger!" all those words which actually does not mean to hurt my feelings, indeed give some impact. I don't know. !@&*($^&@%^&* Allah, guide me towards the real path.

The fear of giving birth always appear uninvitedly. I am really scared if I would have the same experience like I was delivering Widad. Goodness...the phobia is still in the air.Every single moment in the labor room is still fresh and green in my mind. Giving birth without husband to support me, lack of bed in the labor room, the painn....Allahu Akbar!!!

The best I could do is to munajat to the only Allah, He gives the best to us. We, as human being..just plan, He's the one who decide everything, and all His decisions, are the best. It's just that we might not see the hidden beauty behind His fate yet.

I leave everything to Allah. InsyaAllah...victory will be mine:)

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